Kelly Alger: August 2007

My life changed when my mind changed about my life. Over a long period of time I have been able to reprogram my general concept of reality. The problem is so many people want these results without giving in to the sacrifice of facing the truth. The truth is somewhere in those whispers that bombard you when you see what stares back at you. The truth hurts and it will have you one way or another. Fighting the current will keep you in the same place and exhaust all energy fast. Give in to the truth, listen to the whispers and have a reasonable response. Let your body tell you what it believes, get acquainted with the voice that makes the decisions about your life. It’s okay to feel worthless if your retort is I love you. One day the whispers and your reality agree and begin to trust one another. You know the saying you are what you eat? Well the same goes for the mind, you are what you think. I know that this little segment I write here today will not change anyone’s life. There is nothing I can say that will change the deep roots of character of any individual. I just want to give a morsel of what the mind needs. We all need to remember to exercise the positive outlook, the affirmation of being equipped to handle life and mold it as you desire it be. Dressing the part you want and having the transformation take hold slowly. Slow only because growth occurs over time. The law of life is the law of growth.
When I was running away from an abusive relationship, I found myself so many times in my car eating a burrito (because it was cheap), loaded with all my personal belongings, my dogs patiently waiting to see where we would go, my face hot from tears and pressure, my head pounding from the fight and the thought of finding security without putting someone out. I had by this point spent all the confidence anyone had in me and the welcoming arms they held out so many times. No one had anything left to give. I was a burden, a drain. My life was chaos at best. But in that moment I knew that the only place to go was up. My brother who saved my life after holding my hand through the troubled times so frequently before decided to give me one last bit of compassion. He was finished watching me spin my wheels and go nowhere. Barry gave me incite to my future. He told me I was on the verge of becoming a loser, a victim of abuse, an addict, just as destructive to myself as the asshole that threw his fists to my face. He said my life would never change and what I had at that moment was even better than what I was signing up to get. From that day on I decided to change. That was 5 years ago. I began to listen and my body and mind told me where to look for the answers. People will treat you as you treat yourself!!! Realizing that the past has shaped the individual you are today and with small tweaks everyday we create the person ten years from now by encouragement, faith, trust. I used to be a compulsive liar. It was at times difficult to decipher fact from fiction. My lies became my own truth, I even lied to myself. If I wanted something I wasn’t supposed to have I took it and told a fib. Justification for it was easy, I needed what I took, and the lie was because I wasn’t given a chance to be honest without being scorned. I cheated on boyfriends, I stole money, I lied about my job, my financial situations. I even exaggerated every situation and conversation that I had. The lies engulfed me. I was a walking lie. Truth isn't easy initially, but I will say that it feels so damn good to not have different versions of reality you must rummage through in the presence of various companies. I feel a freedom and peace all within me that no lie ever provided. The truth is far more valuable. Even when the truth breaks things apart. Lies are glue that never dries. If the words you speak to another are without validity why even exercise your tongue? When you cheat someone else out of goodness you are a thief. To free yourself from the shackles your natural instinct has surely put you in, let the truth ring loud in your own ears and one day it will come from your mouth when it is right within yourself after you digest the grief of your mistakes. Admit where you’re wrong to understand and make it public that will not reoccur. If you bottle your mistakes to harbor in the safety of your secrecy the natural law of life does not permit the mistake be washed away or sunken to bottom depths of your soul. The law, however, allows the mistake to eat away your self worth, to dissolve your own trust of yourself, to diminish your belief in yourself. There is no action that will not get reaction. This is life. Begin to find truth, begin to find belief. All those stories of people killing themselves are true. They gave up because they spent all their belief and faith! They never replenished belief and faith with positive words and hopeful desires. Bad days come and go, for all of us. But good days are not given, you create them. Find the joys of life and suck the marrow from those moments, brush fear off because it is also a lie.
I feel like my words are not enough because it is love that you give yourself that will make you happy in life. Loving yourself is appreciating the wrinkles on your face because you’re proud of the hard work you put in to get the wrinkles. The hard work gave you what you have. You earned what all you have. Take the wrinkles as proof of wisdom. Find beauty staring back because of who you are and how you feel. That beauty never fades with age as surface beauty does. Another cannot overlook beauty from a soul of goodness. Beauty from within is far more radiant than beauty on the outside. Listen to your own voice and become all the things you love in others. Peace of mind, harmony, happiness are of the mind… you will never find them if you don’t close your eyes and hear them in you heart.
I don’t have all the answers, nor am I saying how you should live your life. Everyone has their own pace. I just want to give my friends the direction that I found that constantly proves to be the best choice I ever made. There are fundamental truths; anyone that ignores them pays the cost. Find the fundamentals; use your mind to explore the possibilities, not to exhaust your suspicions. Remember this is growth so it is slow. But each little step will get you a long way, and find hope in the idea of fulfillment. One day you wake up and life is beautiful.